Black Thursday

After flipping a coin (twice--had to go with best two out of three after losing the first flip), I have decided to try and dissect what the hell happened yesterday at Ford Field. The other alternative on the coin toss was to cut off my pinky toe, yet I'm not sure which would be more painful. Having to relive yesterday may in fact trump losing a toe that is only there for show anyway. Okay, just kidding, I like my pinky toe. Aside from always being the easiest nail to clip, one of my feet would simply not be the same. Lost in the debacle that was the Lions' annual Thanksgiving loss was the right foot of a certain Lions' player, but I'll get to that later.

Each and every year, America turns its attention to Ford Field for a football game. Most years, all eyes seem to be on Ford Field only once. Ndamukong Suh is making it his personal mission to keep the attention here for a few more days at least. The Lions, however, as odd as it may be for those of us who have never seen them win a Super Bowl (oh wait, that's everyone), have been surprisingly relevant for the better portion of a year and a half. A trip to the playoffs last year, albeit a brief one, has had fans at least waiting three quarters until they turn the game off this year. Yet yesterday, everybody stuck around for the end, because the other option was helping mom prepare dinner; thanks, but I'll pass.

Jim Schwartz photo credit: boston.com

Thanksgiving football has been disappointing Lions' fans for a decade now. I actually got a text from a friend of mine yesterday who said to me, "hope the Lions didn't ruin (Thanksgiving) too bad for you." And as only a Lions' fan knows, I responded by saying something along the lines of I'm used to it by now. How can you not be? Think about the last time the Lions won on Thanksgiving: Brett Favre was still a Packer, many Americans still liked George W. Bush, and Michael Jackson was last seen dangling his child off of a balcony. Ah, how the world has changed since then. Well, mostly changed at least. Still, no one cares about the NBA regular season.

They didn't have to lose yesterday though. No, yesterday they could have won one for a change. Chances squandered, coaches criticized, and referees blamed took the headlines this morning, in turn condensing the Lions I have known for my whole life into one singular game. You can say what you want, but that's how it's gone for you too. Whether it's been Greg Landry or Matt Stafford throwing it, Herman Moore or Calvin Johnson catching it, even Mel Farr or Barry Sanders running it, the Lions haven't won anything since radio trumped television. I, like most fans, probably would have ignored that thought with a win yesterday.

Before we get to the bad, let's get to the good. Matt Stafford was good. He wasn't great, but he threw for 441 yards. If you've lived through Dan Orlovsky (and if you know how to read, you have), then you'll take 441 yards six times a week, and about 1000 times on Sunday. Calvin Johnson was Calvin Johnson. And because Ryan Broyles has proven that maybe he wasn't that bad of a draft pick after all, Billy Ford can basically send Titus Young (Sr. of course) a holiday card with the note saying, "Great talk, Titus. See ya out there." I wouldn't feel right giving credit to anyone without giving credit to Riley Reiff, either. His name was called maybe twice during the CBS telecast? Twice for an offensive lineman for one game equals Pro Bowl. He was very good containing the right side of the Houston defense, a task that probably made you as nervous as I prior to the kick-off.

Now the bad. Let's start (because it's the only time I'm going to mention them) with the officials. I thought the officials were really not that bad. Yes they made a GLARING mistake. It was awful. Stevie Wonder could have told you that Justin Forsett was down. That was a horrendous call. Yet, at full speed, it's easy to miss something that seems so obvious afterwards. Ask Jim Joyce. The officials didn't lose the game for the Lions.

Jim Schwartz...EPIC fail. And I do mean epic. With Roger Goodell at the helm, it seems like each and every week there is a rule coming into play, or something completely random that ends up as the lead story on Sportscenter (until, of course, the next week when a different rule takes its place). Never fear sports fans; you can expect ESPN to be ALL over this one. I've made a pact with my dog to not turn on Sportscenter until something else major happens in the sports world. However, stupid as the rules may seem, as the age old adage goes, rules are rules. Job number one for a head coach: know the rules. Before you hire your staff, before you draft players, before you deposit your paycheck, know the damn rules. Schwartz does not deserve most of the criticism he normally gets; I'm a firm believer that every coach in the NFL prepares their team to win, and players play. Not this time though. As you saw on the sideline after "challenge-gate" (might as well get ready for that), Schwartz was quick to point out that the mistake was on him. He gets credit for that. He gets credit for nothing else. Sure, they had chances after that. Bringing that right foot back into play, had you told me Jason Hanson would have a field goal from under fifty yards to win it, I would have said our chances are as golden as the ticket to Wonka land. But he missed. And it doesn't matter. It should never have gotten to that. Go ahead and say, "They had their chances to win and they missed on their chances." No one will argue with you, because you are right. They did have their chances. But this is the Lions. When have they made good on their chances? Ever (one little trip to the playoffs does not count--no one plays to finish anything but first).

It was as entertaining as any Lions game I've seen in a while. Now, is it possible that Houston may still have gone down the field and scored, even if Forsett is ruled down? Yes, entirely possible. But we'll never know. Too hard to tell, really. The Lions defense seems to be more hot and cold than Katy Perry (oh yeah, you bet your butt I was excited to get that one in there). But this one is on Schwartz. You HAVE to know the rules. Period. Looking at the facts of the game, if Jim Schwartz doesn't throw that challenge flag, the Lions win, and in doing so excite an entire city and fan base. Instead, Thanksgiving in Lions world might as well be called Black Thursday.

What Rutgers and Maryland REALLY mean to the B1G

Alright, today it was made official. It is the first time I have run the dishwasher in the last four years. Go ahead and laugh, that's fine, tell me I'm spoiled. But I will swear until I die that the biggest travesty of my college career is that for four years, my roommates and I did not have a dishwasher. The proverbial saying, "if that was your biggest problem, you had it pretty good," is flashing across many a mind right now, and I will not argue with you on that. College was awesome. Hours upon hours were spent sitting around watching Family Guy, Jeopardy, and B1G athletics. Turns out there happened to be some news regarding one of those three things today, and no, unfortunately Alex Trebek has not been fired...yet.

Commissioner Jim Delany made it official today that Rutgers has become the fourteenth member of the once Big Ten. I refuse to call it (in writing at least) the Big Ten, because for nineteen years now there have been at least eleven members; B1G is fine though. Two years ago, Nebraska joined to give the conference twelve members. Over the weekend, there was speculation that Maryland and Rutgers would become members thirteen and fourteen. And today, Delany announced that Rutgers has indeed joined Maryland as the next two members of the B1G, confirming the speculations, and also confirming that a key factor for entrance into the conference is a school's primary color: it better be red.

B1G Commissioner Jim Delany (left) and Rutgers Athletic Director Tim Pernetti (right) photo credit: nypost.com

Now the question becomes what to do with Maryland and Rutgers. I guess you can't put them in the Legends Division because they are brand new to the conference; how could they be legends? So to the Leaders Division they go? Well that would make things uneven, giving the Leaders eight schools and the Legends six. So that's out. The only logical thing to do would be to split them up, sending one to the Leaders Division and one to the Legends Division, which would mean the two schools that are the most isolated from the others would be in different divisions? Since I mentioned Family Guy earlier, that makes about as sense as "Beowulf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first Battle of Antietam." After you get over your initial shock that I could have possibly put "sex" in a post, you will realize it makes no sense at all. Anything Peter Griffin can't understand, you shouldn't be required to understand either.

Before I get into what the B1G should do about their choices for assigning Rutgers and Maryland divisions, let me first say what the addition of the schools ACTUALLY means for the conference. With the addition of Rutgers, the B1G now has three of the coolest basketball arena nicknames in the country (The Barn, The Bres, and The RAC). Okay seriously though, from a basketball standpoint, this move is a no-brainer. Maryland is rich in basketball tradition and immediately provides a formidable opponent for any school. Rutgers, while still an up and coming basketball school, will continue to grow and should see a spike in recruiting, due to their entrance into a basketball mega conference and exit from a dilapidated Big East. Both schools will fit right in, right away. Rutgers Women's Basketball will also assume a dominant position in the B1G, and C. Vivian Stringer will get the added bonus of playing games just a little bit farther away from Don Imus.

The "RAC" photo credit: scarletknights.com

From a football standpoint, you may not think much of the additions of Rutgers and Maryland. This is where I invite you to remember that Rutgers would have the best record of any bowl eligible team in the B1G right now if they were already a conference member. Sure, the Big East is not the football conference the B1G is, but it isn't that far off this year. The B1G is as down as it has ever been. New blood is not a bad thing. The addition of Maryland brings a basketball school with an up and coming football program. Their coach, Randy Edsall, may not seem like a household name, but a few years ago some people in Ann Arbor were looking over his resume before giving old Brady a call. And in addition, they take over as having the most bad ass football uniforms in the conference.

photo credit: lacrosseplayground.com

As for the other sports, well, let's be realistic. This move was made as a business decision. In other words, the schools and conference were playing with a lot of money. Any individual who tells you that football and basketball don't bring in the most money for a school (for the average school, at least) needs to go to confession. Football and Basketball are the sports that will be the measuring stick as to whether or not the additions of Rutgers and Maryland were beneficial to the conference. Period.

Now, back to that whole Legends and Leaders thing. The B1G has been given the rare opportunity to fix its mistake without admitting it made one. I would advise them to take it, because that opportunity doesn't come around very often. Besides the two weirdest names for divisions within a conference in college football, the assignment of schools makes no sense whatsoever. Lucky for the B1G, Terrelle Pryor and his friends decided their championship rings weren't worth much, and their coach decided it wasn't worth much of his time. If not (I realize Nebraska is a win away), the B1G might be facing the situation of having Michigan and Ohio State play each other in back-to-back weeks, which makes about as much sense as, well, you get it by now. So Commissioner Delany, now would be a good time to cover your hiney and realign your conference. As boring as they are, the names "east" and "west" would do perfectly fine for the names of your division. Here's what I propose. In the B1G West: Illinois, Iowa, Minnesota, Nebraska, Northwestern, Purdue, and Wisconsin. In the B1G East: Indiana, Maryland, Michigan, Michigan State, Ohio State, Penn State, Rutgers. For those of you saying, "that makes one division too stacked," my question for you is why? You still have Wisconsin and Nebraska on one side of the equation, both powerhouse football schools. Not to mention Northwestern is on the rise.

For me, that makes sense. When it comes to basketball, the divisions make no difference anyway. With those two divisions, you ensure rivalries stay rivalries, you create rivalries with Rutgers and Maryland, and everybody is (hopefully) happy. And who doesn't want to be happy two days before Thanksgiving?

The Best Bad Quarterback Ever

Sports movies tend to be hit or miss these days. For every Raging Bull there always seems to be a Caddyshack II. For every Rudy there is always a Major League: Back to the Minors. Fine fine, I didn't see Raging Bull. But I'm inclined to think that half the people who claim what a great movie it is are like me: they don't want to have that awkward five minute conversation with an elder who claims Raging Bull is the greatest piece of cinema ever created. I'd rather just take your word for it, throw in a quick, "Oh yeah, DeNiro is phenomenal," and carry on with my day. So that's normally what I do when it's brought up. That said, someone reading this will most likely tell me that I HAVE to see it the next time we come in verbal or textual contact. I guess my covers blown. Oh well, I guess there are also worse things I can do with two hours of my day.

Every once in a while though, there is a sports movie that is simply put, awesome. Take Major League for example. After you get over your initial shock that I am talking about Major League (I know it's shocking), think about if you really like Charlie Sheen. Most of you will probably think, "He is insanely hilarious in life." He is, no argument there. But when looking at Major League, most people will look at it as simply a comedy and overlook the true story of how a ragtag bunch of athletes came together for a common goal, with Sheen giving a great performance. Oh, and also Pedro Cerrano, who later went on to tell us all how we are in good hands with Allstate.  Another sports movie that tells a great story, yet doesn't have that R-rated humor to fall back on, is Remember the Titans.

Right about now you may be thinking, "make your point dummy, my food is burning." Relax it's coming. Aside from having what I think is the greatest soundtrack in movie history, Remember the Titans brings every element of being a human into play. In short, it tells the story of how cultural differences are put aside to achieve a common goal. Take notes America. Remember the Titans reels off dramatic one liners as well as JFK, Lincoln, and FDR put together. Yeah, I'm reaching. But every once in a while, you have to reach, especially in a blog. One line sticks out to me because it sums up so many different life situations and gives perspective on how to look at them. It's a scene in a hospital: that scene where Gary is laying in his hospital bed paralyzed, and Coach Yost tells him that, "it's a time for prayer," to which Gary so calmly responds, "Coach...I'm hurt...I ain't dead." How perfect is that line? Well just ask Brady Hoke, cause that's what he inherited in Ann Arbor nearly two years ago: a program that was hurt, but not dead. And like Coach Yost and Coach Boone, lucky for Coach Hoke he had a quarterback with some wacky hair to save the day.

Denard Robinson stiff arming Manti Te'o. photo credit: maizenbluenation.com

You may not think much of Denard Robinson. You may think he's overhyped, can't throw, and should never have been the quarterback for Michigan. You may be right. He is a little over hyped, he definitely can't throw, and he probably shouldn't ever have been under center (well, in the shotgun at least) for Michigan. And thank God he was. Just about five years ago, Michigan introduced its new head coach, a strapping young offensive genius heading north from "almost heaven, West Virginia." It's only fitting that as I use that John Denver line, I think about John Denver's performance in the movie Oh God! Be honest, that's what you said to yourslf when Michigan hired Rodriguez, don't lie. You wanted Les Miles. I wanted Les Miles. Hell, Rich Rodriguez may have even wanted Les Miles, looking back on the situation. I'm going to blame Kirk Herbstreit for reporting it early and sabotaging Michigan's attempt to bring a proud son home (come on, I mentioned Jack Kennedy earlier--you knew I was going to bring in a conspiracy). Instead Michigan fans got Rodriguez. The first year was a disaster. The only person who didn't play quarterback for Michigan that year was Rodriguez himself. Two names for you: Steven Threet and Nick Sheridan. If I were to get up in front of a crowd of people and say "yikes" when referring to those two, I would fully expect a Nobel Peace Prize. They were horrible. They were awful. Yes Shaq, they were horr-awful. I never thought I'd use that term unless I, like Shaq, was referring to Craig Sager's wardrobe, but it fits. But by year two, everything was better. In Tate we trust...haha.

Forcier was a diva, whose career went south faster than Rodriguez's. He beat Notre Dame and was anointed as Michigan's next leader. Everyone beat Notre Dame those days. Jimmy Clausen was their quarterback, how could you lose? To think that Forcier was at one time mentioned in the same sentence as Brady or Griese makes me cringe. You can think to yourself that he wasn't, but he was, partly because Michigan fans (myself included) wanted any bridge to the "glory years." Little did they (and I) know that their bridge was sitting on the sidelines with his shoes untied.

Those who stay will be champions. Immortal words to anyone who has ever loved Michigan. How can they not be? For Christ's sake, the building is called Schembechler Hall people. The man is a legend. Even if you despise Michigan, you respect Bo. You wanted to cry when he died. I did cry when he died. And as I ponder what Bo would say to Denard Robinson, the unlikeliest of faces for a program that needed one desperately, I can't help but think it would go something like, "Well done, son. Well done."

What else can you say to Robinson? His scrutinization-per-capita amongst Michiganians is second only to the former Lions GM-who-must-not-be-named. Every time Robinson does something well, Michigan fans are quick to point out that Robinson should still be considered a Heisman candidate. And as soon as he throws a pick that hits Manti Te'o right in the numbers, fans are calling for John Navarre. He's twenty-two people. He may be the most scrutinized college football player in the last thirty years, going back to Marcus Dupree (look him up, it's worth it). And as Robinson's tenure comes to an end for the Maize and Blue, if I had the opportunity to say something to him, I'd probably say, "Well done, son. Well done."

Without Robinson, Michigan probably doesn't have the one decent season it had under Rodriguez. The product you see on the field now would not be nearly as good. And they most definitely do not go to the Sugar Bowl (and win) last year. Someone somewhere is reading this and saying to themselves, "you're wrong, Devin Gardner would have been just fine, probably even better." Think hard. Devin Gardner has played quarterback for Michigan at points over the last couple of years. And he has looked a lot more like Nick Sheridan than Denard Robinson, minus of course the last three weeks. Robinson never tried to fool you. You knew what you were going to get with him. He was going to make mistakes in the passing game, striking gold every once in a while. He was going to burn you in the running game. He was going to win the non-conference Heisman trophy. And he was going to be respectful, humble, and fiery afterwards.

What three characteristics better define a leader? I couldn't think of any either. He is a winner who (along with his head coach) has led the revival of the proudest football University in this country. Sorry Irish fans, Michigan has still got you on wins. Robinson may never be mentioned with the all-time greats at Michigan. That's fair. He isn't one of the all-time greats. But without him, Michigan football isn't where it is today. Think about that next time he makes a mistake and you call for his head. Go blue.